Saturday, December 29, 2012

Anger. If I'm really honest with myself, there is anger stirring underneath the surface all the time. To truly connect with reality, I need to connect with my anger. It's the wall that keeps me from connecting to the world with abandon and warmth. It's what keeps burning me from inside, making me sick, destroying me bit by bit, any time I don't allow myself to feel it and to express it... 

I am anger. Anger is me at this very moment. And yet I can feel many other emotions too at any given time. It's not that I stop loving or living, it's just that my anger is always present also. I need to get this poison out of me as much as I can, and as soon as I can. I'm working on it every day.

I turned 34 yesterday, and though much of the world tells us that there's nothing good about getting older, I have to say that I disagree. Despite all of this anger I've discovered within me, I am already more balanced and functional and also more content than I've ever been. Getting older doesn't necessarily mean getting wiser, but in my case I'm determined to make it so. And I wouldn't be able to call myself very wise if I continued to be filled with built-up unexpressed anger for years to come, could I?

My resolution for 2013 is to keep feeling my true emotions, to keep purging myself of anger, so as to keep becoming healthier, happier, warmer and kinder to myself and those around me. I still have a mountain to climb when it comes to my anger, but I am making progress, steady strides all the time.

The following quote is meant on a grander scale, but I connect to it on a personal level. This road I'm on ain't easy street, but I'm inspired to follow in the footsteps of others who have done this work and flourished. Inspired and honored.

"Human progress is neither automatic nor inevitable... Every step toward the goal of justice requires sacrifice, suffering, and struggle; the tireless exertions and passionate concern of dedicated individuals."
- Martin Luther King, Jr. 

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