Week after week, I talk very intimately about my life in my blog: my experiences, emotions, setbacks, frustrations and triumphs. It is interesting then to realize, that what I feel most private about are some of the more public aspects about who I am. I feel private about myself as an artist. Perhaps this is because even though being an artist is one of the things that I cherish most in life, it is also an area that I've felt most attacked in. And I'm sure I wouldn't be the only artist to say this. You have to grow a very thick skin doing what I do. Better yet, you have to have great self-esteem and a great grasp of reality. Neither of which I have had until now; both of which I am developing.
Last night felt like a start of something new for me. It was my first public performance since October, and I was thrilled to be on stage, performing a couple of brand new songs within the set. Despite having taken a break from performance, I am surprised to feel strongly that this concert was my best one ever. I found myself to have evolved greatly as an artist during my break. How is this possible?
Apparently artistry and performance greatly benefit from actions seemingly unrelated to the craft itself. Again, I return to an Anton Chekhov-quote that I've posted on my blog before:
"If you want to work on your art, work on your life."
It is exactly what I have been doing, in many forms. Greater self-knowledge and higher self-esteem will give access to powers and abilities that one may have been holding back out of fear.
We are much more; we have much more to give than we often realize. It is a gift that I'm giving myself now--allowing myself to step through fear, to claim who I am. It is happening now.