Talent develops in tranquillity, character in the full current of human life. -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, poet, dramatist, novelist, and philosopher (1749-1832)
I saw the above quote this morning and it spoke to me deeply... These days it seems that I'm very rarely in my comfort zone; constantly having to push beyond my former experience in all areas of my life. It can feel unpeaceful much of the time, as surges of adrenaline pass through me, repeatedly... Yet I know that I have no choice, as I can't go back now. Yes, I could choose some version of the unfulfilling existence of my past, and remain "safe", in place. Instead, I want the infinite possibilities of the future. Clearly it requires a lot of courage and effort, but what point is there in living a stagnant life?
So, a balance is needed. Time and space to work on that which is important, and full-on immersion and contact with the world and people around me. The latter still regularly fills me with fear... I often go in and out of flashback memories that unfairly paint friends and strangers with a brush of doom, my reality distorted. This, I've been dealing with a lot in the past week--a function of my PTSD. But it's more and more conscious--it's coming to the forefront. And that, is progress, people.
I cannot hope to heal from my wounds sitting in a corner all by myself, immersed in my music. Like Goethe says, character develops in the full current. So I dive in, time and again, bravely.