Friday, February 10, 2012

A strong theme in my life right now is finding a sense of security. I want to trust that I am safe within myself and that I am no longer my own worst enemy, come what may. I no longer wish to be my own worst critic either. What's the point of it, I ask you..? To make oneself feel shitty and unworthy? ...Why? Certainly there are gentler ways to improve oneself...

I used to be (and still at times am) a tortured soul, but it is only because I torture(d) myself. The way I see it now is that life is too short to be stuck in such negative thought-patterns. That sort of heaviness is too much to carry alone, and typically gets dumped on other people...

A friend of mine raised a good point this week by stating the general wish to be needed less and enjoyed more. I think that is probably what most of us want from our lives: to come together for enjoyment, instead of unloading. Or worse--for being the one unloaded on. Sharing is a different thing all together.

So, I'm making an effort to be my own best friend. To find the reasons behind any bad vibes throughout the day, noticing their patterns and in the process unraveling them, on my own. Look ma, no hands!
I wish to need people less and to enjoy them more; to stand unsupported on my own two feet, if not at all times, then at least 90% of the time. That would be sweet.

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