I like routines! I'm building more and more of them into my life right now, all of them conscious steps towards the direction of my choosing...

I'm understanding more and more about myself too, through two children that I love dearly and interact with weekly. Realizing how important it is for them to receive a call from me on a specific day makes me reflect on how significant routines and consistency are for us people in general. We are not so different as adults than we were as children. (And truly, children are not so different from us adults....)

I'm embracing my inner child now. I'm enjoying creating a feeling of safety within my currently rapidly expanding life. After years of living an irregular existence: partying, staying up late, etc., I love the thought of waking up at the same early hour every morning. How very un-rock and roll of me! Well, I don't care a shit about what's rock and roll anymore... I just want to live a good life and make something out of it. And I like having more hours in the day to do things that I feel passionate about.

“A child reminds us that playtime is an essential part of our daily routine.” -Anonymous

I'm learning to listen.
Man, that shit is hard!
Even if I concentrate with all my might, it's hard for me to shut up with my advice and coaxing. I guess the rule is that if people don't ask for advice, none is to be given... But goddammit, it slips in there anyway, more often than I'd care to admit.

It's not that I feel like I have all the answers, but it's hard to watch from the sidelines sometimes when people close to me struggle with their problems.... A situation that could so easily be turned around by just a few changes.... But alas, there are things in this life I have no power over... I truly cannot change anyone else's life but my own.

So, I'll listen. I know from my own experience that given a chance to talk, sometimes I end up figuring out the answers to my problems myself. And truly, people fix their problems once they're ready to fix them. If, in some cases they never are ready, fuck it, I'll accept that too. It's about time I concentrate on my own shit and stop carrying everyone else's. It's not my job. Never was. Freedom.

"We are what we repeatedly do, excellence then is not an act, but a habit." — Aristotle

This week went by faster than any week that I can remember within my adult life.
I can hardly believe it's Friday already! My life has started filling up with all kinds of interesting activities, thoughts and projects, and above all--new connections. My isolation-period is definitely over.

For me, getting to know myself within the last couple of years has meant spending a lot of time on my own. I kept only a handful of chosen people close to me and distanced myself from everyone else. This is because I needed to at long last figure out what it is that I really think and feel, what my interests are, what kind of person I want to be in the future. I let others make those decisions for me for the longest time...

Now, I am finally secure enough in myself to go out there and meet new people and network, to make new friends and connections. I'm not scared that I'll somehow morph into thinking how they think or acquiesce to their vision of what I should be doing. (Trust me, random people often tell me what it is I should be doing as an artist. I think that this kind of thing is probably the bane of every artist's existence.)

So, I feel really good. A little scared of the unknown but good. I'm out there in the world interacting for the first time as the person that I've made myself into in the last few years, and I'm pretty frickin' proud of her. She's come a long way.

As I write this I am high on some toxic, recently-applied-floor-wax fumes I've been inhaling at the gym over the last couple of days. Man, that shit takes a toll! I am dizzy and nauseous and tired beyond belief... This is definitely not a good high. I have lots on my mind besides this, but am feeling so utterly run down by toxic pollutants that I had to share some of my thoughts and a couple of links on the subject.

I personally became aware of the poisons that we are surrounded by and ingest on a day-to-day basis in the end of 2010.. Before then it had never even occurred to me that I should be suspicious of my shampoo, moisturizer or the cube of vegetable stock that I used regularly. The truth is that toxic chemicals are lurking in the majority of products that are being sold today. We artfully apply them into our hair, on our faces, on and into our bodies... Bottles and bottles filled with unpronounceable ingredients are lined up on the shelves of pharmacies and grocery stores...We're all so used to it we don't even question it.

It is horrible to realize that most people are as oblivious to the hazards of these products as I was so very recently. Once I became aware of these poisons, I actually went through the labels of all my household products and found that pretty much all of my cleaning stuff, cosmetics and even food was loaded with really nasty ingredients. I've been trying to steer clear of these chemicals ever since and buy things that are as non-toxic as possible.

But clearly, even with diligent research it's impossible to avoid poisons all together as they are everywhere, my floor-wax stupor a case in point. Even so, below are a couple of links to check in case you are interested and haven't seen or heard this information yet. Every little bit that we do helps the bigger picture, I'm sure.
Here's to hoping that one day the norm will be to opt for non-toxic floor-wax instead of this brain-irritating bullshit.

http://www.storyofstuff.org/movies-all/story-of-cosmetics/
http://ewg.org/