It has become clear to me that I am on a spiritual (war-)path of sorts. I embarked on this journey only because my life couldn't continue going in the direction it was headed, and I knew certain things had to change. I thought that quitting drinking would do it--that it would be some sort of fix-all. Instead, it was only the beginning. The space created was quickly filled with shit, and thus began the wading through it. I never expected all the truths I'd encounter....having to alter my beliefs on pretty much everything in my life. Seeing all my relationships differently, seeing my motives differently, seeing my own actions in a completely different light. But now that I've started, there's no turning back. I wouldn't do it for anything.
Last week I got some serious poison out of my system, by way of anger. These last couple of days I've been applying ointment on my wounds. Feels good, man. I'm being uncharacteristically patient about all of this, and that feels good too. I'm taking my time, trying not to rush through it, or push myself. There's nothing more important that I could be doing right now.
This book that I just started reading, The Other Wind by Ursula K. Le Guin, is inspiring, in that the characters aren't just doing and achieving at all times. For example, there's this dude who has just arrived to deliver some grave news to the Archmage, and they decide to wait until the next day to talk about it. (!!!) First, they have bread and cheese and onions... And then they sleep. And then they have breakfast (a similar meal), and only after that, do they get into the heavy shit. I mean, I can respect that. We can't handle heavy shit at all times, (especially after a long journey). We gotta have some cheese and bread first. And onions.
I leave you with a quote from the book:
"So rest a while. We can talk in the cool of the evening. Or the cool of the morning. There's seldom as much hurry as I used to think there was."
Man, J, you're findin' your way through some heavy shit right now, huh? I can dig it though...the heavy stuff is the best stuff. Figuring things out, understanding real perspective, finding the truth 'out there.'. The road to true enlightenment is the most dimly lit path of them all. And when you get there, there's only a few people. Might be a teacher, a cop, a banker, an athlete but everyone shares the same thing--a state of mind that only like minds can understand, no matter how deep someone 'tells' you they are! :)
ReplyDeleteIf we could go back in time, we'd do so many things different. Well, lucky you, you're back in 2011. So, however it is that you tear things up J, tear 'em up!
Mike