"I want death to find me planting my cabbages."
- Michel Eyquem De Montaigne 1533-1592
I am discovering that I love working hard. I'm finding a peace in keeping my mind and body occupied, after a long period of ruminating and trying to fathom all that has happened within me and around me in my life so far. I feel like I've reached a spot where I want to start putting all of my tortured history behind me and moving on to fulfill my dreams and my potential. Through all the work that I've done on myself, I find that my fears have dissipated sufficiently, that I'm finally a truly functional human being. Perhaps it will take a moment before I'm a thriving human being, but I'm sure that time will come too. I am well on my way.
It is a bit sad to think that after all this work I've done, I'm still at a square one of sorts. Yes, I have a lot of knowledge and understanding, layers and depth that most people at a square one don't have, but I am still learning some of the basics of life and living. But what I can really be proud of is that I'm here and I've done all this work. Motherfucker.
This moment is a rebirth for me, and yes, there was a kind of death that preceded it... Like Literature Professor Charles Feidelson, Jr. said: "Life is a series of little deaths out of which life always returns." This rebirth is a different sort for me though, as I feel like I'm emerging stronger than ever before. I truly feel ready to conquer my demons and move past them to do what it is I'm here to do. Action is key.
It's as if the lower our souls have fallen into the depths of dispair, the higher we are propelled upwards and the further we're able to fly.
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